How to Get a Secret Phone for Safe Communication in Abuse
Monitoring and tracking a partner’s phone is one common tactic abusers use to control, isolate, and prevent their partners from leaving them. Monitoring a partner’s phone can include tracking their location and looking through text messages, call logs, online accounts, web browser search histories, and more. And in many cases, you may not even know you’re being tracked.
If you believe or know that your phone is being monitored, it can be difficult–or even dangerous–to use your phone to explore resources, communicate with loved ones, reach out for support, or put a safety plan in place.
Every day, people are using their creativity to navigate safety for themselves and loved ones that are experiencing abuse in their relationships. An important strategy for many survivors to have a safe way to communicate is to obtain a second phone that their partner doesn't know about.
Getting a second phone discreetly requires careful planning to ensure your partner doesn’t find out, get angry, and escalate abusive behavior. If you’re considering this option, read on to learn about some practical strategies for obtaining a second phone without alerting your partner:
1. Use a Prepaid or Burner Phone
Prepaid phones. Many stores sell no-contract phones that require minimal personal information to purchase and activate. With a prepaid or pay-as-you-go phone, you aren’t billed by a network provider so there is more anonymity to help keep you safe. Prepaid phones are often sold at local electronics stores, grocery stores, convenience stores, and major retailers like Walmart or Best Buy.
Burner phones. Burner phones are disposable phones or prepaid phones that can be used temporarily and discarded once they are no longer needed. They are sold in the same locations as pre-paid phones and also require very little personal information for activation.
2. Purchase a Phone Discreetly
Avoid your location being monitored or disclosed. Consider buying the phone from a store that your partner doesn't go to or use the self-checkout aisle at a big-box store to avoid being seen by staff or anyone your partner may know. If you share a vehicle, use public transport or walk to a nearby store, if possible.
NOTE: your partner is likely monitoring your location if they are monitoring your phone. If it’s safe to do so, consider leaving your compromised phone at home or turning the phone off whenever you are going places you don’t want your location tracked to. You can change all the location tracking settings on your phone before you go out to buy a second phone, but if your partner is monitoring that phone, they may discover you’ve changed the settings and this could be unsafe for you. Here is more information about location tracking and securing your accounts on your devices.
Use cash or a gift card. Pay with cash, as using a credit or debit card often link directly to purchases, which your partner may see if they are monitoring your bank accounts. If using cash isn’t possible, consider using a prepaid card (available in many stores) or a gift card that doesn’t require linking to a bank account.
Use a friend or trusted person. If you can’t or don’t want to buy the phone yourself, consider asking a friend, family member, or neighbor you trust to purchase it for you. They can either deliver it to you or leave it in a safe place for you to pick up when you’re able to.
Contact a domestic violence organization. Some domestic violence agencies and local shelters may provide emergency phones to clients. Some agencies also use technologies that can hide communications on your phone.
ATTENTION DV AGENCIES AND ADVOCATES: Looped Solutions is the tech company that has solved the problem of safe communication with your clients–even when their devices are being monitored. If you are not using their solution, you should be!
3. Order Online with Discretion
If your phone is being monitored, it may be difficult to order a second phone online as it’s likely that your online browsing, online accounts, and bank purchases are monitored also. If you are able to use a safe device, online account, and credit/debit card that your partner doesn’t have access to to order a second phone, here are some additional considerations:
Have it shipped to a different address. Order the phone online (from a site like Amazon, eBay, or a major retailer) and have it shipped to a trusted friend or family member’s address instead of your own.
Use a package locker. Some shipping services, like Amazon Locker, allow you to have packages delivered to a locker that only you can access with a unique code. This is an excellent option if you're worried about your partner intercepting deliveries.
Consider the packaging. If you have the package sent to your home, be cautious about its appearance. Some packaging might have logos or labels that could give away the nature of the item, so be aware and discreet about bringing it inside.
4. Use an Old or Discarded Phone
If you already have an old phone lying around that you aren’t using, you might be able to reactivate it. Be cautious, however, about any leftover data or accounts tied to the old phone, as your partner could potentially access that information.
Factory reset the phone. If you decide to use an old phone, first do a “factory reset” to remove any traces of previous usage (including contacts, messages, and apps linked to your account).
5. Set Up the Phone in Secret
Activate the phone away from your partner. Consider setting it up at a friend’s house, in a public space, or in a private area (like a bathroom or bedroom) to keep hidden.
Avoid using your main accounts. When setting up the phone, avoid linking it to accounts that your partner has access to or may be monitoring (e.g., your Google account, iCloud, or shared phone plans). This will ensure that your partner can't track your activity on the new device.
Don’t sync contacts or messages. Avoid syncing the phone with your main phone and any accounts that your partner might be able to access. This will prevent your new phone from becoming a way for your partner to trace your communications.
6. Keep the Phone Hidden
Find a secure place to store the phone. Keep the new phone in a hidden or unexpected place to prevent your partner from finding it.
Turn off notifications/sounds. Keep the phone turned off when not in use so it doesn’t make unexpected sounds alerting your partner that it exists. If you do keep it turned on, make sure the phone is on silent mode and all notifications with sounds are turned off.
7. Plan for Emergency Use
Set up emergency contacts. Pre-program important phone numbers into the new phone (such as a local domestic violence agency, friends, or family) and make sure they know how to contact you if needed. These numbers could be stored using nicknames or code names if that feels safer.
Additional Safety Measures:
Make a safety plan. If you are seeing red flags for abusive behavior from your partner, such as monitoring your devices (a big red flag!), it can be very helpful to have a plan for your emotional and physical safety. Making a safety plan means thinking through in advance the strategies you will use and the resources you have to stay safe and healthy, especially if things escalate and your partner gets scary. If you have a safe device to use, the myPlan app can help you. The myPlan app was developed by survivors of domestic violence and privately helps you assess red flags, make decisions about what to do next in your unique situation, and get strategies and resources personalized to you.
Talk to a domestic violence advocate. Contact your local domestic violence organization or the national domestic violence hotline for additional strategies for getting and using a second hidden phone or for help making a safety plan.
Domestic violence survivors will tell you that being monitored by an abusive partner feels overwhelming, unsettling, scary, invading, dehumanizing, violating, stressful, isolating, and claustrophobic.”
Obtaining a secret phone requires careful planning, but taking steps to protect your privacy and safety can be a powerful step to reverse the emotional toll and regain control. You don’t have to navigate this alone—reach out to trusted friends, family, or domestic violence organizations for support and resources. Use your creativity.
You deserve to feel safe.
