Am I Being Tracked & Monitored?
It’s common for abusive partners to use technology to monitor your location and activities, even after a relationship ends. And you might not even know it’s happening. The misuse of technology to monitor and control a partner has a bunch of names: tech-facilitated abuse, tech abuse, digital abuse, electronic partner surveillance, and cyberstalking, to name a few.
No matter what you call it, if it’s happening to you, it can affect your mental health, making you feel anxious, isolated, fearful, paranoid, and “crazy”. It can be isolating and make it difficult to seek support. It can also put you in danger if your partner discovers activities you don’t want them to know about and becomes angry.
Tech abuse is on the rise as we continue to incorporate technology into every corner of our lives (literally everything is becoming a “smart” thing, from watches to home appliances to cars). This, unfortunately, gives abusive people an ever-growing variety of methods at their fingertips to monitor and control their partners.
Though there are many types of tech abuse, this guide will focus on:
The misuse of technology and how controlling/abusive people monitor and track your activities and location.
Outlining ways to recognize the signs of monitoring and steps to protect your privacy.
Tips to increase your safety while you are investigating whether you are being monitored.
Am I being monitored?
Our mobile devices and digital lives have made staying connected to friends and family and keeping updated on our loved ones’ activities and whereabouts easier. It’s become normalized to be in constant contact, share locations, share passwords, and sync devices with a partner through family sharing or joint accounts. This makes knowing if your devices are being used against you challenging. You deserve privacy and to always have a say in what information a partner can access.
First, if you suspect you’re being tracked and monitored by a partner, trust your instincts!
Does your partner show up where you are or know things you’ve said or done that they shouldn’t know? It’s very likely that if your partner has ever shown any red flags for toxic, unhealthy, or abusive behaviors (a few examples are: jealous and possessive, controlling of what you do, who you talk to, where you go, not respecting your boundaries, pressuring you into things you don’t want to do, putting you down or embarrassing you, is manipulative, discourages you from seeing friends or family, takes your money, threatens or intimidates you, physically hurts you, etc.,) they are most likely also monitoring you.
If you think you or a loved one is being monitored, this article can help you better understand how someone can be tracked and monitored, along with putting protections in place to prevent monitoring.
There are four tech device categories- video, audio, location, and online activities- that abusive people could use to monitor you. Let’s start with the most common tech that can be used to collect info and monitor someone.
The most common ways abusers use tech to monitor their victims
Here’s a list of the most common ways and sources abusive people use technology to collect information and monitor their partners:
Digital devices: cell phone, tablet, computer, laptop, smartwatch, AirPods, etc.
Apps on your devices
Email accounts
Social media accounts
Any online account
Tracking devices hidden in a car, purse, backpack, or other personal belongings
Cameras and/or audio devices that may be hidden in your home or car
Smart home technology: Google Home, Alexa, security cameras, thermostats, etc.
Information your friends & family share online
Technology you are aware of, but are unaware that your partner is using it for nefarious reasons
Essentially, someone can be tracked by anything connected to the internet, by GPS and GPS-enabled devices, by gaining access to your devices or accounts, or by obtaining information about you found online or through friends/family.
Next we’ll discuss the various ways abusive people use tech to monitor or control a partner.
IMPORTANT: Before you do any investigations on your own, it’s important to take safety precautions, which are detailed in the next section. These safety precautions should be considered and implemented to prevent alerting your partner that you are looking into if your devices or environment are being monitored.
Tactics used to facilitate abuse through technology
As tech use increases and evolves, controlling and abusive people find various ways to use tech to control, manipulate, and intimidate their partners. Below, we’ll cover some of the common and unique ways abusive partners misuse technology and gain access to devices and accounts as a means of control.
Common (and manipulative) ways a partner may monitor you
Abusive people often use manipulation tactics to monitor and control their partners. This includes using manipulation to gain access to your devices in order to monitor your location and activities. By “devices,” we mean anything connected to the internet or that can be synced to an internet-enabled device, such as cell phones, laptops, computers, tablets, smartwatches, AirPods, Fitbit, etc.
If your partner has access to your devices, they may be able to track you using location tracking, accessing your call and text records, controlling your device features, monitoring your usage, etc. Some examples of how partners could use manipulation to gain access to your devices are below.
Concern for your “safety” or “well-being”
Your partner may say they want access to your devices or location tracking under the guise of caring about your “safety and well-being,” when in reality, they want access to try and control you.
A nice gesture or gift
An abusive person may give you a device they purchased, perhaps as a gift or “nice gesture,” and put the device account in their name so they have complete control and access. An account owner is generally able to see a wealth of data and information, such as phone calls made and received, cloud storage contents, app downloads, device use history, voicemail, etc., along with having the ability to make account changes, change settings, passwords, etc.
Demanding access or breaking into your device
If your partner or ex has access to your devices, they can guess your device passcode or password and look through your text messages, emails, apps, and any online activity. Abusive people often demand access to their partner’s devices through force, threats, guilt-tripping, or intimidation. Children’s devices may also be a source of information about your location or other activities if your partner has access to their devices.
Exploiting children during separation or child custody cases
Abusive people often use their children in separation or child custody cases to gain access to their ex-partners’ activities. For example, they may give their child a smart device and use it to monitor what is going on in the home.
In any of these cases, your partner having or gaining access to your device can give them private information about you or lock you out of your devices or accounts.
Using everyday items you don’t suspect
It’s possible to be monitored unsuspectingly. For instance, a security system intended to keep your home safe may also be used to track when you come and go, and what you do or say if it has motion detection or audio and video capabilities. Many smart devices can be controlled outside of the home, too. Therefore, it is important for you to have access to smart device accounts if possible, or be aware of how home security systems and smart technology can be used for devious purposes.
Gaining access to your devices and logging into online accounts
If your partner has access to your devices or accounts, they can change the settings, add themselves as a user, gain access to additional accounts, and install spyware to track your activity (more on spyware below). Below are some additional ways an abusive partner can collect information after they gain access to any of your devices or accounts.
Logging into online accounts
If your partner has or gains access to your passcodes and passwords by guessing them or hacking into them, they can log into various accounts, such as social media, online banking, Google, or other accounts that allow them to see your search histories, locations, and other personal information about you. They could also gain access to your devices through “family sharing” accounts or cloud-synced devices.
Family-sharing plans and accounts
Your partner could exploit family-sharing plans, often used for mobile phone or digital services, to track, monitor, and control you. Having access to your or your children’s devices or accounts through family-sharing accounts (for example Apple Family Sharing or Google Family Groups) can provide them with information such as your location, messages, call history, cloud stored documents, and other personal data.
By managing or monitoring shared accounts, your partner can use GPS tracking, view activity logs, and even remotely disable your devices or limit their usage.
Learn more about Family Sharing by Apple
Learn more about Family Groups by Google
Shared phone plans
When you share a phone plan with your partner, especially if they are the only ones with account access, they could have access to your call and text records and the ability to control your phone’s features or plan settings.
Cloud-synced devices
Gaining access to cloud-synced devices can be used to control and manipulate a person by synchronizing data across several digital devices like phones, tablets, computers, and smart home devices. For example, if your partner has access to your cloud account (e.g., iCloud, Google Drive, synced photos and calendars, access to third-party apps, etc.), they can view and control your information and the items uploaded and shared to the cloud.
Location data from your apps
Some apps on your mobile devices use GPS to pinpoint your location. Common GPS-enabled apps include mapping and navigation tools like Google Maps, Apple Maps, and Waze, which provide turn-by-turn directions and real-time traffic updates.
Smartphones also have built-in location-sharing features, like Apple's "Find My" or Google's "Find My Device," which are used to track the location of a phone. In addition, social media apps (e.g., Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat) have location-tagging features, allowing users to share their whereabouts with friends or the public. Some fitness apps, like Strava or Runkeeper, also use GPS to track running or biking routes. Abusive people with access to your devices can look at these location apps and and track where you have been and/or where you are now.
Social media activity
Abusive people often track their partner or ex on social media by checking updates, photos, posts, and tags for location clues or activities, using fake profiles to befriend and spy on them, gaining access to accounts through guessed or hacked passwords, or looking at friends’ or family’s social media for information.
Keyloggers, spyware, or stalkerware
An abusive partner can secretly install keyloggers*, spyware, and monitoring software on your phone or computer, allowing them to gather your login usernames and passwords, see keystrokes on your devices, read texts, emails, and social media messages, listen to phone calls, and even access your camera and microphone.
*A keylogger is a type of malicious software or hardware designed to record every keystroke a user types on their device secretly. Keyloggers capture sensitive information, such as passwords, credit card numbers, personal messages, or login credentials.
Cloning your device
Device cloning is copying the data and settings of your device to another, creating an identical replica. This allows an abusive person to access everything on your device.
GPS or Bluetooth tracking device
Small devices like Apple AirTags or other GPS trackers can be hidden in vehicles, bags, or belongings to track your movements.
Hidden cameras or audio listening devices
Tiny cameras or audio devices such as baby monitors can be hidden in rooms, vehicles, or belongings, allowing controlling partners to watch your every move or hear your conversations.
Smart home technology
Abusive people may use internet-connected home devices such as security cameras, smart speakers, thermostats, and door locks to monitor their partner. If you have these devices, it’s possible your partner can remotely access the cameras or microphones to spy on you, see who enters and leaves your home, control lighting or heating remotely, or listen in on your conversations.
Safety precautions to take before investigating your devices
If you suspect that your device or environment is being monitored and you don’t want your partner to know you are investigating this, it’s important that you take steps to avoid alerting your partner carefully.
Don’t make sudden changes: If your partner notices you’ve cut off monitoring, it could escalate their behavior. Plan your steps carefully.
Use a safe device: If possible, use a device your partner doesn't have access to, such as a friend's, family member's, work device, or public library computer. This is important when searching for information online about unhealthy relationships, seeking help, or accessing information without being monitored.
Use safe WiFi access: If you have a safe device, use it on a wifi connection that your partner doesn’t have access to. If your partner owns or has access to the internet account in your home, they could log into the internet service provider account and potentially see what websites you are visiting.
One option for hiding your internet use from a partner with access to the internet service provider/wifi account is to download a Virtual Private Network (VPN). A VPN can help protect your internet browsing from being tracked by masking your location and encrypting your internet traffic.
Use a safe browser: If you have a safe device on a safe wifi connection, make the browser you use to visit websites (e.g., Safari, Chrome, Internet Explorer, Firefox) more private. Web browsers, usually by default, record every website you visit. To hide your browsing and search activity:
Use incognito or private browsing: When visiting websites you don’t want your partner to know about, first turn on your browser's incognito/private browsing mode to prevent your web history from being recorded. Here’s a guide for activating incognito browsing on mobile and desktop devices.
Use a browser that doesn’t record your search history: Browsers like DuckDuckGo operate in “private/incognito mode” by default and do not record your search history.
Ensure you are not logged in to a browser: Some browsers, like Chrome, prompt you to log into the browser with a Google account to save your settings and browsing history when you use the browser on different devices. Ensure you are logged out of the browser before visiting websites you don’t want to be recorded. If in doubt, you can download a new browser (for example, if you usually use Chrome, you can download DuckDuckGo and use the new browser).
Clear websites from your browser history: You can clear the websites you visit from your browser history. You can clear all of your website visit history or just delete individual websites you’ve visited. It’s often safer for people to delete individual websites since clearing out your entire browser history could alert a partner who is monitoring you that you are trying to hide your activity.
NOTE: You may want to delete that you’ve visited this blog post or any links clicked from this post! Here is a guide to clear your browser history (and be sure to delete that web page from your history as well).
Clear search history from search engines: Even if you delete your search history from your browser, the search engine you use (e.g., Google, Bing) to search for websites also records your searches. Additionally, there are separate search histories on sites like YouTube and social media sites like Instagram. You can change the settings on your search engine to prevent it from recording your search history. Learn how to find and delete your search history from the most-used search engines and websites.
Create a safety plan: It’s important to make a safety plan in case your partner discovers that you’ve evaded or cut off their ability to monitor you. They could get angry, and things could get worse. Creating a safety plan ahead of time can help you make a plan to stay physically and emotionally safe if things escalate.
Using tactics to monitor a partner is a red flag for abuse. Advocates at domestic violence organizations can help you make a plan to increase your safety while you are searching for monitoring tactics or help with how to cut off the monitoring.
We understand that contacting an advocate may not be possible, and this is where creativity comes in. The myPlan app is a free online resource developed with domestic violence survivors to help you create a personalized safety plan, without judgment and on your terms. myPlan can be downloaded on iOS and Android or used on a web browser, whichever is safest for you. Though myPlan has several built-in safety features to keep it as private as possible, an app may not be a safe option if your device is being monitored. Use myPlan on a device your partner doesn’t have access to and follow our tech safety considerations before use.
Ways to detect tracking and monitoring devices
The feeling of being watched is distressing, especially when you can’t figure out how your partner is getting information about you. Here are some signs to look for and steps to take to find out if or how you’re being monitored.
Step 1: Make a list of ALL your devices
When domestic or dating violence advocates make a tech safety plan with someone who thinks they are being monitored, the first thing they do is brainstorm a list of EVERY possible device in your household that could be used. Some examples include cell phones, laptops, tablets, computers, smartwatches, Fitbits, AirPods, any old phones or laptops lying around, your children’s devices, home security cameras, smart home appliances, etc.
Step 2: Examine your devices for digital surveillance
Again, we stress the importance of keeping yourself as safe as possible as you examine your digital devices. Below, we will describe ways to examine your mobile and computer devices.
Mobile devices
Check for unfamiliar apps: Look for apps you don't recognize, especially those with generic or suspicious names. Check on all devices, including your children’s or old devices lying around.
On Android, check for unfamiliar apps by going to Settings > Apps
On iOS, check for unfamiliar apps by going to Settings > General > iPhone Storage
Do an app permissions review: Check the permissions granted to each app (again on all devices). If any app has unnecessary permissions (like access to location services, camera, microphone, or messages), it could potentially be used to spy on you.
On Android, check permissions by going to Settings > Privacy > Permission Manager
On iOS, check permissions by going to Settings > Privacy
Check for alerts reporting logins from locations or devices you don’t recognize: Many online accounts will send you an email or text alert if there is a login from an unusual location or device that it doesn’t recognize. Pay attention to these alerts.
Check your battery and data usage: An unexplained drain on your battery or high data usage can indicate that monitoring software is running in the background.
On Android, check battery usage by going to Settings > Battery (or Battery Usage). Check data usage by going to Settings > Network & internet > Mobile network > App data usage
On iOS, check battery usage by going to Settings > Battery. Check data usage by going to Settings > Cellular or Mobile Data > tap System Services under the Cellular Data
Look for odd behavior: If your phone exhibits strange behavior like slowdowns, unresponsive apps, strange glitches, or unusual noises, it could be a sign of spyware or tracking software.
Computers and laptops
Task manager/activity monitor: Task manager is a system utility program that provides information about the programs and processes that are running on a computer. The activity monitor displays information about programs running on your computer and how those programs affect your system’s performance. Look for unfamiliar programs or processes with high CPU or memory usage as this can indicate malicious software is running in the background to access your data.
On a Windows PC, open Task Manager (Ctrl+Shift+Esc) to check for suspicious processes running in the background.
On a Mac, open Activity Monitor from the Utilities folder.
Check installed programs: Check the installed programs and look for unknown or suspicious programs. Remember that keyloggers or other surveillance tools may be disguised with names that look like legitimate system files.
On Windows 10/11, check installed programs by going to Settings > Apps, or for Windows 7/8/10/11, go to the Control Panel by pressing the Windows key > type in “control panel” and open it > Programs > Programs and Features
On a Mac, check installed programs by going to Finder > Applications
Run anti-malware software: Use anti-malware programs (e.g., Malwarebytes, Avast, Bitdefender) to scan your computer for spyware or monitoring software.
Check for Physical Tracking Devices
Inspect your personal belongings
To keep tabs on your location, your partner could place physical tracking devices in your car, bag, or personal items. They could place them in a gift they give you or hide them in your children’s backpack. Look for small, unusual devices that are out of place. These may include GPS trackers, tiny cameras, or audio recording devices.
Check your car
If you suspect your car is being tracked, look for small devices attached to the underside, inside the wheel wells, or near the car’s electrical system. Look under seats, inside pockets on seats, in the glove box, or any other place where a device could be quickly tucked out of sight. If you're unsure, consider asking a trusted person (or mechanic) to help you inspect your vehicle.
Inspect your living space
Look for unusual items or devices that could be hidden in your home. These may include small hidden cameras, microphones, or GPS tracking devices. Common hiding spots include under furniture, in electronics (like TVs or alarm clocks), and in air purifiers or smoke detectors.
Look for Audio or Video Surveillance
Search for hidden cameras
Hidden cameras can be small and disguised as everyday objects (e.g., smoke detectors, alarm clocks, USB chargers, light fixtures). Picture frames, wall decor, plants, outlets, vents, bookshelves, or tiny holes drilled into a wall or surface are common places where cameras are hidden.
If you suspect surveillance, you could try using an infrared (IR) detector app on your phone (they are free and can detect the infrared light emitted by some cameras) or use a small flashlight to scan for hidden cameras emitting infrared light at night.
Check for microphones and audio recording devices
Recording and audio devices can be difficult to detect. If you believe you may be under audio surveillance, check common areas for hidden microphones (similarly where hidden cameras are placed), under furniture, or look for small holes drilled in walls.
NOTE: Some apps and devices for sale claim to detect microphones, hidden cameras, and tracking devices. These are often labeled as Anti-Spy Detectors, GPS Detectors, Camera Finders, or RF Signal Detectors, and most reviews testing these devices report that they do not reliably work, so be sure to check the reviews.
Sensing that your partner might be monitoring your location, your conversations, or your online use is unnerving. On top of that, it’s overwhelming to feel like you need to be a tech expert to find out if and how you are being spied on. There are simple steps you can take to make your digital life more private, but it’s important to make a safety plan before you make any changes that could put you in danger if your partner finds out. Trust your instincts here. You know best what could escalate their behavior.
You deserve privacy, safety, and respect
Sensing that your partner might be monitoring your location, your conversations, or your online use is unnerving. On top of that, it’s overwhelming to feel like you need to be a tech expert to find out if and how you are being spied on. There are simple steps you can take to make your digital life more private, but it’s important to make a safety plan before you make any changes that could put you in danger if your partner finds out. Trust your instincts here. You know best what could escalate their behavior.
In our next blog post, we will outline strategies to cut off monitoring. If you need help now, contact the domestic violence hotline or your local DV agency, advocates there can anonymously help you make a tech safety plan.
Ultimately, you deserve a relationship with mutual trust, where your privacy and boundaries are respected and you feel safe.
