A Seed That Grew: Tina Bloom, PhD, MPH, RN on Empathy, Abuse Survivors, and the Power of Showing Up
Excerpts from our interview with Dr. Bloom.
❗️Content Warning: Physical Violence
Quite a number of years ago when I stopped working in the hospital to work on a violence research study, one of my friends who still worked at the hospital asked me how I dealt with such depressing work. My honest answer was that I didn’t find it depressing- because when you look for that thread of strength and resilience and hope even in people’s most difficult stories, you will generally see it.
A few years after that conversation, I met a woman who told me that when she was pregnant she had gone to the hospital 15 or 16 times because her husband was beating the shit out of her; for example, he would strangle her, and one time he threw her down the stairs. She would go to labor and delivery triage after these incidents so she could make sure the baby was OK.
I asked her if she ever told anyone at the hospital- nurses, doctors, etc.- what had actually happened and she said that she hadn’t. She said that her husband always went with her and they never kicked him out of the room to ask her about abuse — they would sometimes ask in front of him!!! — and she was terrified of him and terrified of what would happen to her and her kids if she admitted she was being abused. She was also using methamphetamine, as was her husband, so she fully expected she would lose those kids if she didn’t manage to hide the chaos in her life. But then she told me that there was a nurse who she almost did tell. I asked her what was different about that time or that nurse, and I’ve never been able to forget what she said to me. First, she said that was the only nurse who got her husband out of the room before she asked those sensitive questions and tried to get at the heart of what was going on. But what mainly made the difference for her was how much kindness and empathy this nurse conveyed, like she really cared about her and wanted to help. She wasn’t getting a lot of empathy in her life at that point and that one small experience became a sort of lifeline for her.
The way she put it to me was that this one empathetic, warm nurse planted a seed that began to grow inside her, and it grew and grew and eventually became a tree. She began to think that this might be a place where she could get help. At the time that I met her that baby was three years old. She was in college, studying to be an alcohol and drug counselor so she could help other women like her, and she had both of her kids. She was clean and sober and the abusive ex-husband was long gone. She had actually told the next healthcare provider she met, who was empathetic and kind about what was really going on. That was a doctor who took care of her when she had some postpartum complications and that doctor connected her with a social worker and domestic violence advocates, and they in turn helped her get into a drug residential treatment program where she could bring her kids.
Life was still not easy for her — She was a single mother with two small children, she had very little money, she had tremendous PTSD symptoms, but she was also smart, caring, and funny. I feel lucky to have a career where I can sit down and people will trust me with their stories, trust me to bear witness, sometimes talking to me for hours.
A little about me
I’m Dr. Tina Bloom, a professor at Notre Dame of Maryland University and the Pitts ‘96 Endowed Chair for Leadership in Women’s and Children’s Health. I live on the East Coast of the United States, and my specific Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) expertise and interests are safety planning and supporting survivors’ help-seeking. I teach nursing students about research, do research, and hold research-related roles at the University.
I love listening to music, reading books, doing yoga, kayaking, and anything creative! Recently, I’ve learned to make kefir and kombucha, and I’m just about to get brave enough to try sourdough bread again. Currently, I’m reading a Tina Turner book, “Happiness Becomes You,” where she discusses her approach to life and how she learned to align her internal beliefs with the life she wanted to live. (Tina Turner was an AMAZING woman, by the way.) She talks about choosing a positive path in everything you do and says, “Every day, we express who we are, and who we wish to become, through our thoughts, words, and deeds.” It’s a simple idea, but she really lived it.
[Note: Dr. Bloom has also been a key member of the myPlan research and development team since its inception. She has contributed to myPlan in a million ways, including her expertise on the impact of IPV on pregnancy and parenting, and unique considerations for rural survivors.]
Why I chose this path as a career
What drew me to this work was the influence of some really powerful and smart women - mentors - who believed in me and lifted me up, and wanting to do meaningful work that helped other people and somehow just contributed to the world in a positive way. Nurses do that every day - I’m trained as a nurse, I worked as a nurse, and I think like a nurse - my research career has built on that and taken it in a certain direction.
The roses and thorns of IPV work
Sometimes this work is lonely and isolating, honestly.
It is also a tough time to be a researcher, a scientist, or anyone who works on violence-related issues in the US right now - I think it’s hard not to be discouraged and hard not to be afraid for other, more vulnerable people these days.
Also, although this is a minor annoyance, my work never seems done - I rarely have that feeling of not having something hanging over my head, and sometimes I have so many emails I want to throw my computer out the window. But I love talking with students - they give me so much joy and hope - and I love the chance to do work that has a positive impact. It’s mostly the little things, every day, that I hang on to and prize. I’ve also gotten to meet so many amazing and inspiring people in my line of work - survivors, advocates, friends, colleagues, mentors, healthcare providers, students - courageous, funny, lovely, cool people who all make the world a better place, and it makes me happy to know them.
In awe of survivors
The story I describe above is a stand-out learning experience from a survivor. What that woman did was plant a seed for me. She really taught me something about the power of empathy and how much of a difference it can make for people. I’m sure that hospital nurse who impacted her so much never even knew how powerful her kindness had been, never knew about the seed she had planted for this very vulnerable woman in a very violent and dangerous situation.
What I wish everyone knew about IPV
If I could share one thing, it’s that I wish the general public knew the role empathy plays for survivors, how significant it is, and how you may not even realize the impact your kindness can have.
I wish they understood that it’s no one’s job to rescue survivors or tell them what to do, and that we can do harm when we try to do that, because these situations are so dangerous and complicated. But, we can help others so much by informing ourselves about the intimate partner violence resources and information, like myPlan and anti-violence advocacy services, and sharing what’s out there with others, without pressuring them to do anything.
My recommendation to better understand IPV
I think that myPlan is a great place to start for anyone who wants to learn more about IPV, and how to support someone else (or navigate your own complicated situation).
Why I believe in myPlan
I’m really proud of myPlan. I can’t believe I’ve been so lucky as to be able to be a part of it over all these years, and I feel deeply connected to the people on the myPlan team. I wish more people knew about myPlan, and about anti-violence advocacy resources in general, and the difference safety planning can make.
Dr. Bloom is an Associate Professor and Endowed chair at Notre Dame of Maryland University.
Follow Dr. Bloom on LinkedIn.
To learn more or access the myPlan app, visit myPlanApp.org.